One of the most challenging parts of parenting is hearing your children whine. There are many reasons for this, from the sheer annoyance of the tone to the bigger issue of having a child who's being ungrateful. Like so many things our kids do wrong, another reason whining gets under our skin is it reminds us of ourselves in uncomfortable ways. How do I act when things don't go as planned? What do the kids see/hear/take away from my behavior when I am disappointed? Maybe you're better at hiding all the emotions than I am, so you are even more confused as to where your children are picking up this bad whining habit. Either way, I want to offer a few suggestions to try next time you hear that familiar, “But, Mom!” or “That's not fair!” or one of my favorites, “He started it!”
First remember that a whining child is often one who is struggling to communicate something. This could be an injustice (she took my toy!), confusion (but why do I have to?) or even worry (I don't want to!). It's important in this situation to not project adult rationale onto the child. This isn't a cop-out--kids still have expectations of behavior, but they are expectations tailored for kids. So, if a kid starts whining and you think they may be trying to say something (just not in the best way), remind them of the better ways to communicate. Try to get to the heart of the whining, and often that's enough to stop it.
One tip I received when I asked viewers about this topic was simply to not acknowledge the child until the whining voice stops. This is the technique I tend toward as well. I will tell the child that I cannot hear the whining a few times, and if it is very persistent, then I stop even saying that. I hardcore ignore until they switch out of that voice. Most of the time, that isn't necessary, and reminding them that I don't hear whining voice is enough to snap them out of it.
Finally, remember that kids pick up a lot of their habits from us, so be mindful of that. If whining (or complaining, yelling, sulking) is becoming a problem in your home, pay attention to how you react and your tone of voice in hard situations. The good news is that if we are falling into whining ourselves, it's just as healthy for us to break free of the habit as for our kids. It's not good for anyone to act that way, so if we try to get better at it, we'll be happier in the end and our kids' actions will likely improve, too.
I do hope these tips to nip whining in the bud are helpful to you!
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